In my last post, I mentioned "getting to know" Elsie. I think this might be what most professionals would call "bonding". It is something I never expected to even notice. Leading up to the adoption, I just saw myself bringing home a baby and living happily ever after. So when questions began popping into my mind that I couldn't answer, I think I got a little scared. Maybe even panicked a little. When she cried and I couldn't comfort her, I took it personally. I questioned myself on what I was doing wrong, and wondered if it would ever change.This past week though, things have changed dramatically. The realization hit me how much "I" was in that last paragraph. Everything was about ME! But, my life is not my own, I am bought with a price. (I Corinthians 6:19,20) I am here to glorify God, and instead I am wallowing in my fears and stressing about the future. This week I am working on redirecting my thought process to my purpose here on earth--His glory. God needed someone to care for this child, and He has blessed me with that privilege. The other stuff doesn't even matter because He's in control anyway! And I also think about the passages where Jesus requests that the children be brought to Him. It wouldn't matter if Elsie were crying, or if she were happy, Christ would care for her just the same. My goal is to love and care for Elsie, Grant, Clare, and Miranda as consistently as Christ would if he were still walking this earth. Bio or adopted, what does that matter?
Taking my focus off of myself, and off the adoptive situation entirely, has helped settle the fears when they arise. And bonding? Yep, it's working out so much better these days. Right now, Elsie is asleep in my arms. I started one-handed typing this post while she was drinking her last bottle for the day, then snuggled her till she fell asleep. Whoever said I couldn't multi-task (Jason), think again! (And hopefully this finger pecking won't produce too many typos.)
