I cannot fathom how fast time has passed since bringing home our 4 day old baby. Since the last post, we've had a few "firsts". First Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first UK hat...and the list goes on. :) As Elsie learns new things, like figuring out she can get places by placing one arm forward then using her toes to push her body a few inches forward (instead of just getting up on all fours and crawling), Mommy is also hobbling along with the lessons God is teaching. These lessons can sometimes be exhausting, but I'd rather be learning than not.
I know there are moms and ladies out there who just love babies. Any babies. They could walk right up to a stranger and want to hold their baby. Just because babies are babies. I'm not so easily smitten. I can remember being a teenager and wondering what the fuss was all about just to hold the newborn in the nursery. And since becoming a mom, I have discovered what that fuss is all about--for my own babies. And for my relatives and close friends' babies. It is kind of embarrassing to admit this here, but the Lord has had to nurture that affection between my Elsie and me. She was a stranger's baby. And while I knew and acted on my responsibility to take care of her, it hasn't always been easy to pour out sappy affection. And many times, frankly, it seemed that was the last thing she wanted. Elsie has a very independent personality, already. She fusses at the smallest sign of irritation or discomfort. She gets angry, extremely angry, about lots of things. And as a Mom searching for signs of approval from a baby (yes, I know that is as dumb as it sounds), I often felt/feel discouraged with my ability to mother her. There have been times I sat down to write a blog post only to erase it all and put my computer away. I honestly felt that I had no business sharing my experiences if I couldn't "get it together" myself. Lately, I have been very encouraged in this area. I think the "bonding" between myself and Elsie has taken huge steps over the last couple of months. The Lord has altered my natural thought processes to where I simply think of Elsie as one of "my own". I think it is finally sinking in that she really is mine and I won't have to give her back. She really is stuck with me. And I just have to figure out how to teach Elsie (and her character traits and personality), just like I still teach the other three. Even at the young age of 10 months, I have pegged several of her good traits, and several need-to-work-on traits. So, I have a piece of paper with four names on it. Below each name are some Scripture passages that we will quote over and over until some day they finally sink in. With the Lord's help, Miranda, Clare, Grant and Elsie will develop the individual personality He has given them to individually glorify Him.
