Finally HIV Free!

The 18 month tests are in! Both of the HIV tests have come back negative. As far as I know, there won't be a need to have any more testing done. Once they show negative for the virus, as well as the antibodies, they are in the clear. We're all very excited around here, though I didn't expect them to come back any differently. Maybe it was that mommy intuition, or just the fact that her health seemed completely normal, but I fully expected the tests to be negative.

So, with the announcement of these results, I plan to stop posting here. The adoption process is over and has blended into just life with the family. You can follow the family life at my other blog, dressesnmesses.com

Now, if we decide to adopt again in the future, we might revisit this blog.... :)

How Chocoholics Are Born!

Before

First Taste

This is awesome!

Give me more!

All cleaned up

Birthday Time

I cannot help but think back to this week in our lives in 2010. Then, the anticipation and nervousness was so painful that all we could do was keep ourselves busy while we waited and waited for a phone call. Now, I can look back on those diversions with fond memories.

I remember arriving at our bed and breakfast on March 4th, waiting all day just to find out we would not meet our birthmom before the baby was born. I remember waking up on March 5th knowing that we should get a call in the early afternoon letting us know the baby was born. So we drove downtown to the Tower City Mall and walked and walked. We went to see Alice In Wonderland in 3D. We had lunch. Finally, on our way back to the room we got a call that a healthy baby girl had been born. We were also told that we'd have to wait another day to meet her. So we started a game of Scrabble in our room and tried not to think about the fact that she was less than a mile away. We also decided then that we would name her Elsie, "consecrated to God". We were hopeful that March 6th would be the day, so we strolled through Wal-Mart looking at baby stuff. We ate lunch at Applebees, which is where we received our very first pictures of Elsie. The waitress also informed us that the building we were seeing out the window was her hospital. But today would not be the day. March 7th passed so very slowly. March 8th passed even more slowly.

But on March 9th, we got the call that we were to meet the birthmom at 3 PM. We'd talk with her for a while, then she personally wanted to hand baby Elsie over to us before we parted ways. We walked into the hospital with an empty carseat and sat down in the lobby. A few minutes later, our social worker met us there and escorted us to the birthmom's room. We chatted for about 45 minutes, both of us wanting to find out as much about the other one as possible. She was turning her baby over to us, and we wanted at least a few answers to the questions Elsie may one day ask. I can still remember every detail from the time I walked off the elevator onto the nursery floor. I remember it being very quiet...no babies crying. The lights were dim. I remember some puzzled looks from the nurses. But all happiness overcame us as we held her in our arms for the first time. I didn't want to let her go, but I politely passed her back to her birthmom to say goodbye. Then it was a buzz of paperwork before our trip home, all the while I held her and watched her sleep. The social worker kept having to prompt me to sign here and here. Finally, we walked out those hospital doors with a precious baby girl. The first night with a newborn is rarely full of sleep, but we tried. I remember wondering if she was a little frightened being in a new place with new people, new sounds, new smells. I couldn't wait for the day when she would feel comfortable in her bed and in our home.

A year later, I'm pretty sure I can say this is true. She knows her momma and daddy. She knows her crazy siblings. She even knows her slurpy little dogs.

This post may be too full of detail for some of you. I don't want to bore you, but I actually feel like this post is for Elsie herself. Someday I'll show her these posts and remind her how much we love her. Happy 1st Birthday Elsie!

Can She Be 10 Months Old Already?

I cannot fathom how fast time has passed since bringing home our 4 day old baby. Since the last post, we've had a few "firsts". First Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first UK hat...and the list goes on. :) As Elsie learns new things, like figuring out she can get places by placing one arm forward then using her toes to push her body a few inches forward (instead of just getting up on all fours and crawling), Mommy is also hobbling along with the lessons God is teaching. These lessons can sometimes be exhausting, but I'd rather be learning than not.

I know there are moms and ladies out there who just love babies. Any babies. They could walk right up to a stranger and want to hold their baby. Just because babies are babies. I'm not so easily smitten. I can remember being a teenager and wondering what the fuss was all about just to hold the newborn in the nursery. And since becoming a mom, I have discovered what that fuss is all about--for my own babies. And for my relatives and close friends' babies. It is kind of embarrassing to admit this here, but the Lord has had to nurture that affection between my Elsie and me. She was a stranger's baby. And while I knew and acted on my responsibility to take care of her, it hasn't always been easy to pour out sappy affection. And many times, frankly, it seemed that was the last thing she wanted. Elsie has a very independent personality, already. She fusses at the smallest sign of irritation or discomfort. She gets angry, extremely angry, about lots of things. And as a Mom searching for signs of approval from a baby (yes, I know that is as dumb as it sounds), I often felt/feel discouraged with my ability to mother her. There have been times I sat down to write a blog post only to erase it all and put my computer away. I honestly felt that I had no business sharing my experiences if I couldn't "get it together" myself. Lately, I have been very encouraged in this area. I think the "bonding" between myself and Elsie has taken huge steps over the last couple of months. The Lord has altered my natural thought processes to where I simply think of Elsie as one of "my own". I think it is finally sinking in that she really is mine and I won't have to give her back. She really is stuck with me. And I just have to figure out how to teach Elsie (and her character traits and personality), just like I still teach the other three. Even at the young age of 10 months, I have pegged several of her good traits, and several need-to-work-on traits. So, I have a piece of paper with four names on it. Below each name are some Scripture passages that we will quote over and over until some day they finally sink in. With the Lord's help, Miranda, Clare, Grant and Elsie will develop the individual personality He has given them to individually glorify Him.

How Can We Ever Afford An Adoption?

This is the question we asked when we first considered adoption. Then, once the adoption takes place, how can we afford to raise a 4th child? Finances are usually the biggest roadblock for those who consider adoption. We cannot tell you how God will provide for you, but we can share the ways He has provided for us. Just this morning, as I was preparing part of this post in my head, I began thinking back over the past several months. I realized there were numerous financial blessings God had provided for Elsie alone. Here are just a few.

#1 After we had Grant, we assumed we were done having kids. I gave away most all of my baby girl clothes, thinking I would never need them again. Then we began the process of adoption. Even then, we were so sure God wanted us to have a boy that we even considered turning down girl options. (We still had boy clothes; we thought he would share Grant's room; it would be a perfect 2 girls and 2 boys) And so our human line of reasoning went, until God convicted our hearts of selfishness. Had I become pregnant with a child, I would have gladly accepted boy or girl. So before we left for Cleveland, I went through all my baby clothes and picked 2 or 3 suitable outfits for a baby boy. I could not find 1 complete outfit for a baby girl. When we got the phone call that it was time to pick up our baby girl, we actually had to go shopping to pick out a couple of girl outfits! Here is where God provided this first financial blessing. When we returned home, a couple of friends were happy to share their baby girl clothes with us, providing for those first few months. Relatives purchased outfits to fill in some needed gaps. And we've been able to purchase anything else she needs by keeping an eye on the clearance racks. Just the other day, I walked out of Sam's Club with 3 complete outfits that cost $2.81 each!

#2 Formula and food. A formula-fed baby is an expensive one! Friends and family have helped keep this cost down by giving us their free samples and formula coupons. When I do have to buy it, the coupons take the cost down considerably! We started stocking up on jar baby food before we even knew Elsie existed. I'm just now getting to the end of that stockpile and have been finding lots of sales. Soon, she'll be eating our table food and I won't have to buy anything special anyway.

#3 If formula is expensive, diapers are even more so! Since Grant is not potty-trained yet, I have 2 kiddos in diapers. While I had to purchase some diapers early on, it has been a couple of months since I have paid a cent for diapers. Some of you know that I am in the database for diaper research studies for Proctor & Gamble. So over the last couple of months, not only have I been putting both kids in Pampers for free, I have also been paid to use them!

As if these financial provisions weren't enough for this post, God topped it off this afternoon when we checked the mail. Since we brought Elsie home in March, we have been paying off a $17,000 loan with interest. We were anticipating that the adoption tax credit would provide enough of a refund to pay off this loan in January. However, God provided in His way once again. In our mailbox today was a check. A check for $15,800--enough to pay off the remainder of this loan.

In summary, let us just tell you that the only way for most people to afford an adoption is just to rely on God. We did not have $23,000 last September when we plunked down our first $1400 for our home study. But we felt God's call to adopt. We made necessary adjustments in our budget and determined to do what we could. Even when Jason received a 10% pay cut at the first of the year, we prayed and kept going. Today, just 13 months from our first payment, Elsie's adoption is almost completely paid for. We plan to make our final $4,000 payment to Lifesong when we receive our tax return in 2011. Our God has supplied all of our needs, just as He promised.

Now She's Stuck With Us!

As I dressed Elsie Thursday morning, I thought about how the 10:00 court hearing would affect our lives. In practice, nothing would change. She would get out of bed the next morning, have a bottle, and go through the routine we've established over the last 6 and a half months. However, in the eyes of the law, a very big change was taking place. On paper, Elsie was known by a different name. On paper, she "belonged to" an adoption agency. On paper, we were only known as her guardian. During our court hearing, it was so comforting and final to hear the judge pronounce us as the parents of this precious little girl. She explained to us the permanency of this adoption. Nothing--absolutely nothing can now change the fact that Elsie is the daughter of Jason and Cindy Watson. Elsie is forever the sister of Miranda, Clare and Grant Watson. We are so thrilled to have this final step complete. Elsie, we are so grateful that the Lord has allowed us to be your forever family!

Tomorrow's The Day

Just a reminder that tomorrow is Elsie's finalization day in court! It is so hard to believe that she is 6 1/2 months old already. Check back for pictures of the big day!

Just Laundry Day

Elsie was keeping me company while I folded mountains of laundry today. Even captured a smile too. Usually she's too enthralled by the camera's flashing lights to let us get her smiling.

Enjoying every day life!

Moving Right Along

So, I'll start with a picture of the four kiddos. Outside on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

We are down to one last visit with our social worker before we head to court to make Elsie legally ours! When we first brought her home, that 6 month mark seemed so far away. 6 months and 6 visits is what Ohio requires before adoption finalization can occur. In a couple of weeks, we'll see Kim for the last time and on September 23rd, we'll see a judge. He'll declare Elsie Faith a member of the Watson family forever, just as if she had been born to us. We are SO looking forward to that day! (It will forever be special for 2 reasons. We'll also celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary on that day. We're thinking an 11 year anniversary getaway might take the place of number 10.)

Another exciting bit of news is that after 2 trips to the lab and 2 blood draws, Elsie's "4 month" HIV test has come back negative. She still carries her birthmother's antibodies, so we'll retest again around the 1 year mark and again, if necessary, until they are no longer detectable. But in the words of her doctor, "I think we can safely assume that Elsie does not have HIV."

We are very thankful for the Lord's blessings on our expanding family.

Bonding

In my last post, I mentioned "getting to know" Elsie. I think this might be what most professionals would call "bonding". It is something I never expected to even notice. Leading up to the adoption, I just saw myself bringing home a baby and living happily ever after. So when questions began popping into my mind that I couldn't answer, I think I got a little scared. Maybe even panicked a little. When she cried and I couldn't comfort her, I took it personally. I questioned myself on what I was doing wrong, and wondered if it would ever change.

This past week though, things have changed dramatically. The realization hit me how much "I" was in that last paragraph. Everything was about ME! But, my life is not my own, I am bought with a price. (I Corinthians 6:19,20) I am here to glorify God, and instead I am wallowing in my fears and stressing about the future. This week I am working on redirecting my thought process to my purpose here on earth--His glory. God needed someone to care for this child, and He has blessed me with that privilege. The other stuff doesn't even matter because He's in control anyway! And I also think about the passages where Jesus requests that the children be brought to Him. It wouldn't matter if Elsie were crying, or if she were happy, Christ would care for her just the same. My goal is to love and care for Elsie, Grant, Clare, and Miranda as consistently as Christ would if he were still walking this earth. Bio or adopted, what does that matter?

Taking my focus off of myself, and off the adoptive situation entirely, has helped settle the fears when they arise. And bonding? Yep, it's working out so much better these days. Right now, Elsie is asleep in my arms. I started one-handed typing this post while she was drinking her last bottle for the day, then snuggled her till she fell asleep. Whoever said I couldn't multi-task (Jason), think again! (And hopefully this finger pecking won't produce too many typos.)

Some Mommy Thoughts...

Has it really been a month and a half since I've posted on this blog? Is my Elsie really going to be 3 months old on Saturday? (I'm also asking myself if my Clare is really 5 as of last week, and if my Grant is really going to turn 2 in less than a month.) But aside from how time is flying, I really am enjoying being a mom. I thought it might be interesting to someone (maybe another mom/family who is considering adoption?) to know some of the thoughts that have gone through my mind in the last couple of months.

The first thing I am about to share is difficult for me to put on paper for you all to read. My pride wants to jump out in front and shout, "Everything is fine! Life has been perfect with my adjustment to an adopted child." But in reality, I have had some mental struggles. In my past experiences as a "new mom" things have taken place quite differently. I have had 9 months (well, 8 once we know for sure we're expecting) to plan, process, and anticipate a new baby. I've carried the baby inside my growing belly and had a chance to get to know him or her. I've felt them kick, roll around and hiccup before I even saw their faces. I've endured those labor pains and that wonderful moment when you hold a seconds old baby in your arms. Those pieces of my "Elsie puzzle" are missing. I knew about Elsie only 2 weeks before she joined this world, and didn't hold her until she was 4 days old. When I arrived home with this new baby, we had just met. I needed to get to know her.

How does one "get to know" a baby? Since they cannot answer your many questions, you have to watch and observe. It takes a little longer this way. I have learned many things about Elsie in 3 months, but I worry at times because I know it is just a fraction of what I need to know. Here's where I must rest: God provided this precious baby to our family, and He will provide the answers we need in His timing.

As I have time, I plan to record a few more of my crazy musings. As I have time........

No More Medicine!

Well, we received the call from the doctor yesterday letting us know that all the required tests for Elsie's HIV were negative! So we were told she no longer needed her medication, and wouldn't need to follow up until she is 4 months old. At this time, and again at 1 year old, we will have the same test done again at the doctor's request. However, they felt the diagnosis (or lack of one) was sure enough that meds are no longer necessary.

We are happy to finally get a good look at Elsie's personality. In the last 24+ hours that she has been without medicine, she has become instantly more alert. She looks around and focuses more on people and objects, and her huge brown eyes are SO gorgeous. (I guess you can see that from the picture above. It was taken on Easter Sunday.) Anyway, some of you have heard the good news already, but for those of you who had not, here's your update! We still ask for your prayers for our family. Jason and I are two sinful, selfish, impatient people who are trying to "train up" 4 sinful kids. That mix will always require prayer!

"Consecrated To God"

That's what Elsie means. Our desire is just that: we want each of our children to be fully dedicated to serving and glorifying God. And early on in this adoption process, we decided that God would choose how Elsie would best glorify Him. We knew the about the "risks" and "possibilities" that might be posed to her as a result of her birthmom's HIV, and we also trusted that God was in control of these very issues. So since birth, Elsie has had a dose of medication every 6 hours to keep her possible HIV in check (4 AM, 10 AM, 4 PM, 10 PM, etc.). The doctor informed us that there are 2 types of testing to find out if she is HIV positive. First is the 'antibody' test--this will test positive for a certain amount of time because Elsie will carry her birthmother's antibodies for up to 18 months. The second is to test for the virus itself. They require that she has 3 negative tests before they will consider her HIV negative (even if the antibody test is still positive, they feel this one is more reliable). Today we received the news that her first test came back NEGATIVE! We are very excited that she may not have to go through life with these medical issues. However, we are still praying because false positives and negatives occur frequently. We will have an update on her 2nd test in 1 to 2 weeks.

Kids, Kids, and More Kids!

Yes, we're one big happy family! Elsie might be sleeping in this picture, but she has been showing us her eyes much more these last few days. In 1.5 weeks, she has put on 1.5 pounds (making her a whopping 7 lbs. 2 oz.)! At 2 weeks, 3 days old, she is still smaller than all three of the other kids were when they were born. She is sleeping and eating very well, and even lays on the floor during her awake times and stares at her baby gym.

Most people ask, "How are the other kids adjusting?" The answer to that is better than we expected. Miranda and Clare are all about being mommies. They love to feed and hold her (but for some reason the real mommy has to change her diapers). They also run and get things for me when I'm in the middle of changing her or busy doing something else. They are training very well to be grown-up moms. Grant is such a sweetheart with her. He has been very tender with her, and gives her kisses constantly. He's actually kind of possessive of her. When the two of them are awake at the same time, he usually wants to be sitting right next to her. He's even able to get her name out at 21 months of age--he calls her "Bebe Ya-si".

Mom and Dad are doing fine also. Other than lack of sleep, life really hasn't changed that much. Oh, and an extra pile of laundry. Oh, and buying expensive newborn diapers since she can't quite fit into size 1 yet. Oh, and a few extra doctor visits. Oh, and having to take more pictures. Oh, and having to be careful when the dog is out of her cage. Ok, so maybe things have changed a little, but it's all for the better! We are loving our life with 4 kids!