Choosing

When I started thinking about putting this post “on paper,” I felt a little strange. I mean, people don’t usually get to “choose” their children. And with so many children waiting to find homes, it is hard to select just one. Deep in my heart as I looked at bunches of little faces, known only to me by a tiny little snapshot and a short paragraph of generic information, I wanted to provide a home for all of them! Knowing that would be impossible, my heart was moved by the picture of our future daughter.

I am fully convinced, without a doubt, that the Holy Spirit has orchestrated every detail up to this point in our adoption process. When we had our first conversation about adopting again, neither Jason nor I thought we would move so fast. But we were open to the Spirit. So at every new decision point, or every new piece of information, we moved. We cannot look a year down the road and see everything mapped out perfectly, but we are at peace following the Spirit’s leading today.

I began the process learning as much as I could, asking tons of questions (Thanks, Rebekah!), and trying to be as informed as possible. I also began the process with stipulations in my own mind. I told Jason and the kids that I wanted to adopt a child that was Elsie’s age or younger. I also looked specifically for a boy since Grant has asked for a roommate many times. In the day or two after I looked through the list of pictures, one face kept coming back to my mind. What little I knew about her life story kept creeping into my thought process. I could only think about the possibility that this girl was abandoned because she looked different. Though she was not a boy, and though she was older than I had anticipated, the Lord opened my heart for her. I want this Chinese girl, with light skin and blonde hair, to know the unconditional love and acceptance of a forever family.

Anyone who knows me, knows I have trouble making decisions sometimes, especially decisions that carry so much weight. Through the events that happened in those initial first days, the Lord gave me confidence in our next steps. He put us in a situation where we needed to act quickly, and at the same time confirmed answers to a bunch of little decisions we would have to make. I am very much looking forward to seeing how the Lord brings things together. Though I would rush to China this very minute and sweep our girl away if I could, I know I’ve got to be patient as the Lord works out the details for His glory.