How Can We Ever Afford An Adoption?

This is the question we asked when we first considered adoption. Then, once the adoption takes place, how can we afford to raise a 4th child? Finances are usually the biggest roadblock for those who consider adoption. We cannot tell you how God will provide for you, but we can share the ways He has provided for us. Just this morning, as I was preparing part of this post in my head, I began thinking back over the past several months. I realized there were numerous financial blessings God had provided for Elsie alone. Here are just a few.

#1 After we had Grant, we assumed we were done having kids. I gave away most all of my baby girl clothes, thinking I would never need them again. Then we began the process of adoption. Even then, we were so sure God wanted us to have a boy that we even considered turning down girl options. (We still had boy clothes; we thought he would share Grant's room; it would be a perfect 2 girls and 2 boys) And so our human line of reasoning went, until God convicted our hearts of selfishness. Had I become pregnant with a child, I would have gladly accepted boy or girl. So before we left for Cleveland, I went through all my baby clothes and picked 2 or 3 suitable outfits for a baby boy. I could not find 1 complete outfit for a baby girl. When we got the phone call that it was time to pick up our baby girl, we actually had to go shopping to pick out a couple of girl outfits! Here is where God provided this first financial blessing. When we returned home, a couple of friends were happy to share their baby girl clothes with us, providing for those first few months. Relatives purchased outfits to fill in some needed gaps. And we've been able to purchase anything else she needs by keeping an eye on the clearance racks. Just the other day, I walked out of Sam's Club with 3 complete outfits that cost $2.81 each!

#2 Formula and food. A formula-fed baby is an expensive one! Friends and family have helped keep this cost down by giving us their free samples and formula coupons. When I do have to buy it, the coupons take the cost down considerably! We started stocking up on jar baby food before we even knew Elsie existed. I'm just now getting to the end of that stockpile and have been finding lots of sales. Soon, she'll be eating our table food and I won't have to buy anything special anyway.

#3 If formula is expensive, diapers are even more so! Since Grant is not potty-trained yet, I have 2 kiddos in diapers. While I had to purchase some diapers early on, it has been a couple of months since I have paid a cent for diapers. Some of you know that I am in the database for diaper research studies for Proctor & Gamble. So over the last couple of months, not only have I been putting both kids in Pampers for free, I have also been paid to use them!

As if these financial provisions weren't enough for this post, God topped it off this afternoon when we checked the mail. Since we brought Elsie home in March, we have been paying off a $17,000 loan with interest. We were anticipating that the adoption tax credit would provide enough of a refund to pay off this loan in January. However, God provided in His way once again. In our mailbox today was a check. A check for $15,800--enough to pay off the remainder of this loan.

In summary, let us just tell you that the only way for most people to afford an adoption is just to rely on God. We did not have $23,000 last September when we plunked down our first $1400 for our home study. But we felt God's call to adopt. We made necessary adjustments in our budget and determined to do what we could. Even when Jason received a 10% pay cut at the first of the year, we prayed and kept going. Today, just 13 months from our first payment, Elsie's adoption is almost completely paid for. We plan to make our final $4,000 payment to Lifesong when we receive our tax return in 2011. Our God has supplied all of our needs, just as He promised.

Now She's Stuck With Us!

As I dressed Elsie Thursday morning, I thought about how the 10:00 court hearing would affect our lives. In practice, nothing would change. She would get out of bed the next morning, have a bottle, and go through the routine we've established over the last 6 and a half months. However, in the eyes of the law, a very big change was taking place. On paper, Elsie was known by a different name. On paper, she "belonged to" an adoption agency. On paper, we were only known as her guardian. During our court hearing, it was so comforting and final to hear the judge pronounce us as the parents of this precious little girl. She explained to us the permanency of this adoption. Nothing--absolutely nothing can now change the fact that Elsie is the daughter of Jason and Cindy Watson. Elsie is forever the sister of Miranda, Clare and Grant Watson. We are so thrilled to have this final step complete. Elsie, we are so grateful that the Lord has allowed us to be your forever family!

Tomorrow's The Day

Just a reminder that tomorrow is Elsie's finalization day in court! It is so hard to believe that she is 6 1/2 months old already. Check back for pictures of the big day!

Just Laundry Day

Elsie was keeping me company while I folded mountains of laundry today. Even captured a smile too. Usually she's too enthralled by the camera's flashing lights to let us get her smiling.

Enjoying every day life!

Moving Right Along

So, I'll start with a picture of the four kiddos. Outside on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

We are down to one last visit with our social worker before we head to court to make Elsie legally ours! When we first brought her home, that 6 month mark seemed so far away. 6 months and 6 visits is what Ohio requires before adoption finalization can occur. In a couple of weeks, we'll see Kim for the last time and on September 23rd, we'll see a judge. He'll declare Elsie Faith a member of the Watson family forever, just as if she had been born to us. We are SO looking forward to that day! (It will forever be special for 2 reasons. We'll also celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary on that day. We're thinking an 11 year anniversary getaway might take the place of number 10.)

Another exciting bit of news is that after 2 trips to the lab and 2 blood draws, Elsie's "4 month" HIV test has come back negative. She still carries her birthmother's antibodies, so we'll retest again around the 1 year mark and again, if necessary, until they are no longer detectable. But in the words of her doctor, "I think we can safely assume that Elsie does not have HIV."

We are very thankful for the Lord's blessings on our expanding family.

Bonding

In my last post, I mentioned "getting to know" Elsie. I think this might be what most professionals would call "bonding". It is something I never expected to even notice. Leading up to the adoption, I just saw myself bringing home a baby and living happily ever after. So when questions began popping into my mind that I couldn't answer, I think I got a little scared. Maybe even panicked a little. When she cried and I couldn't comfort her, I took it personally. I questioned myself on what I was doing wrong, and wondered if it would ever change.

This past week though, things have changed dramatically. The realization hit me how much "I" was in that last paragraph. Everything was about ME! But, my life is not my own, I am bought with a price. (I Corinthians 6:19,20) I am here to glorify God, and instead I am wallowing in my fears and stressing about the future. This week I am working on redirecting my thought process to my purpose here on earth--His glory. God needed someone to care for this child, and He has blessed me with that privilege. The other stuff doesn't even matter because He's in control anyway! And I also think about the passages where Jesus requests that the children be brought to Him. It wouldn't matter if Elsie were crying, or if she were happy, Christ would care for her just the same. My goal is to love and care for Elsie, Grant, Clare, and Miranda as consistently as Christ would if he were still walking this earth. Bio or adopted, what does that matter?

Taking my focus off of myself, and off the adoptive situation entirely, has helped settle the fears when they arise. And bonding? Yep, it's working out so much better these days. Right now, Elsie is asleep in my arms. I started one-handed typing this post while she was drinking her last bottle for the day, then snuggled her till she fell asleep. Whoever said I couldn't multi-task (Jason), think again! (And hopefully this finger pecking won't produce too many typos.)

Some Mommy Thoughts...

Has it really been a month and a half since I've posted on this blog? Is my Elsie really going to be 3 months old on Saturday? (I'm also asking myself if my Clare is really 5 as of last week, and if my Grant is really going to turn 2 in less than a month.) But aside from how time is flying, I really am enjoying being a mom. I thought it might be interesting to someone (maybe another mom/family who is considering adoption?) to know some of the thoughts that have gone through my mind in the last couple of months.

The first thing I am about to share is difficult for me to put on paper for you all to read. My pride wants to jump out in front and shout, "Everything is fine! Life has been perfect with my adjustment to an adopted child." But in reality, I have had some mental struggles. In my past experiences as a "new mom" things have taken place quite differently. I have had 9 months (well, 8 once we know for sure we're expecting) to plan, process, and anticipate a new baby. I've carried the baby inside my growing belly and had a chance to get to know him or her. I've felt them kick, roll around and hiccup before I even saw their faces. I've endured those labor pains and that wonderful moment when you hold a seconds old baby in your arms. Those pieces of my "Elsie puzzle" are missing. I knew about Elsie only 2 weeks before she joined this world, and didn't hold her until she was 4 days old. When I arrived home with this new baby, we had just met. I needed to get to know her.

How does one "get to know" a baby? Since they cannot answer your many questions, you have to watch and observe. It takes a little longer this way. I have learned many things about Elsie in 3 months, but I worry at times because I know it is just a fraction of what I need to know. Here's where I must rest: God provided this precious baby to our family, and He will provide the answers we need in His timing.

As I have time, I plan to record a few more of my crazy musings. As I have time........

No More Medicine!

Well, we received the call from the doctor yesterday letting us know that all the required tests for Elsie's HIV were negative! So we were told she no longer needed her medication, and wouldn't need to follow up until she is 4 months old. At this time, and again at 1 year old, we will have the same test done again at the doctor's request. However, they felt the diagnosis (or lack of one) was sure enough that meds are no longer necessary.

We are happy to finally get a good look at Elsie's personality. In the last 24+ hours that she has been without medicine, she has become instantly more alert. She looks around and focuses more on people and objects, and her huge brown eyes are SO gorgeous. (I guess you can see that from the picture above. It was taken on Easter Sunday.) Anyway, some of you have heard the good news already, but for those of you who had not, here's your update! We still ask for your prayers for our family. Jason and I are two sinful, selfish, impatient people who are trying to "train up" 4 sinful kids. That mix will always require prayer!

"Consecrated To God"

That's what Elsie means. Our desire is just that: we want each of our children to be fully dedicated to serving and glorifying God. And early on in this adoption process, we decided that God would choose how Elsie would best glorify Him. We knew the about the "risks" and "possibilities" that might be posed to her as a result of her birthmom's HIV, and we also trusted that God was in control of these very issues. So since birth, Elsie has had a dose of medication every 6 hours to keep her possible HIV in check (4 AM, 10 AM, 4 PM, 10 PM, etc.). The doctor informed us that there are 2 types of testing to find out if she is HIV positive. First is the 'antibody' test--this will test positive for a certain amount of time because Elsie will carry her birthmother's antibodies for up to 18 months. The second is to test for the virus itself. They require that she has 3 negative tests before they will consider her HIV negative (even if the antibody test is still positive, they feel this one is more reliable). Today we received the news that her first test came back NEGATIVE! We are very excited that she may not have to go through life with these medical issues. However, we are still praying because false positives and negatives occur frequently. We will have an update on her 2nd test in 1 to 2 weeks.

Kids, Kids, and More Kids!

Yes, we're one big happy family! Elsie might be sleeping in this picture, but she has been showing us her eyes much more these last few days. In 1.5 weeks, she has put on 1.5 pounds (making her a whopping 7 lbs. 2 oz.)! At 2 weeks, 3 days old, she is still smaller than all three of the other kids were when they were born. She is sleeping and eating very well, and even lays on the floor during her awake times and stares at her baby gym.

Most people ask, "How are the other kids adjusting?" The answer to that is better than we expected. Miranda and Clare are all about being mommies. They love to feed and hold her (but for some reason the real mommy has to change her diapers). They also run and get things for me when I'm in the middle of changing her or busy doing something else. They are training very well to be grown-up moms. Grant is such a sweetheart with her. He has been very tender with her, and gives her kisses constantly. He's actually kind of possessive of her. When the two of them are awake at the same time, he usually wants to be sitting right next to her. He's even able to get her name out at 21 months of age--he calls her "Bebe Ya-si".

Mom and Dad are doing fine also. Other than lack of sleep, life really hasn't changed that much. Oh, and an extra pile of laundry. Oh, and buying expensive newborn diapers since she can't quite fit into size 1 yet. Oh, and a few extra doctor visits. Oh, and having to take more pictures. Oh, and having to be careful when the dog is out of her cage. Ok, so maybe things have changed a little, but it's all for the better! We are loving our life with 4 kids!

Thoughts and Emotions

Well, I intended to update before now, but we came home to 2 sick kids. Clare and Grant have had fevers and a nasty cough, and of course frequent baby feedings cut down on the amount of free time mommy has! But Elsie is adjusting very well into our family and I had to wake her for her feedings and medication last night! Tomorrow, I take her to the doctor for her 1 week check-up and the social worker comes for her 1st post-placement visit. Everything is moving along quite nicely.

When I posted last Thursday that this baby posed a "new" set of circumstances, I had no idea. I think if posed with the choice, that I would choose to endure the pain of labor and delivery rather than 5 days of "the unknown". In labor, at least I know that I have another contraction coming, then a few seconds of rest. In this situation, NOTHING was certain. Jason and I were amazed at the fact that we walked into the hospital on Tuesday at 3:30, not knowing if we would leave with a baby or empty-handed. We are grateful that when we left at 6:30, Elsie left with us.

Meeting with our birthmother, as one would expect, started out a little awkward. She had just signed her surrender paperwork, so she was very teary-eyed. I had not yet seen Elsie, so I was anxious...and teary-eyed. Jason expressed after we left how broken-hearted he felt for the birthmother. She truly did love this child and had a really hard time letting her go. But after a few minutes of hesitant conversation, we actually began to get to know our birthmother and her life situation. We shared how our children were ecstatic about a "new brother or sister". We exchanged email addresses and phone numbers so we can keep in touch. She plans to send a collage photo book to the agency with pictures of her, her 2 year old daughter/Elsie's half sister, and Elsie's first days in the hospital. We are grateful to be able to answer some questions that Elsie will have when she gets older.

One final emotion that I have to say I was not expecting--it took me a couple of hours after leaving the hospital for me to feel like Elsie's mother, rather than her babysitter. However, a couple hours into the trip, sitting in the back seat beside her, holding her bottle, I felt that connection. This was MY little girl. I was responsible for her. She could not feed or change herself, she needed me--her mom. Now I have to say, I really feel no difference between Elsie or any of my other children. It is all-out AMAZING!

Elsie Is Home

Just wanted to update everyone and let you know that Elsie spent her first night in her new home last night. She didn't sleep much, but I'm sure she'll get used to it. Things went very smoothly at the hospital yesterday: the birthmom signed her paperwork, we met with her for a little while, we signed our paperwork, then we made the 4 hour trip home.

God is good. We will update again later...after my nap.

Faith?

You know those cartoons where someone ties a string to a carrot and dangles it in front of the rabbit's nose? Every time the rabbit gets close, the carrot moves. Right now, we feel like that rabbit. Every time we think we're about to get near our little girl, our 'meeting' gets pushed off a little longer. So we must keep asking ourselves--are we putting our faith in God...or in this adoption? As emotionally difficult as the results may be, we want the first statement to be true. Our faith is in God, and in His sovereign plan for our family.

So tomorrow afternoon at 4:00, we will find out His plan. We are scheduled to meet our social worker and our birthmom in the hospital waiting room. (The birthmom and social worker are meeting elsewhere at 3:00 to sign the 'surrender' paperwork.) Our birthmom has requested that she gets to personally hand our little girl over to us. Then we'll have the hospital discharge paperwork to sign, and this part of the adoption will be complete. We'll be free to take Elsie home.

Please pray with us that we will completely surrender to God's plan, and that what is best for this baby will be done.

Elsie Faith

We promised a picture, so here is the best we have. The birthmom was kind enough to take this picture and pass it along to our social worker, who then sent it to us. The adoption plan is still in progress, though the circumstances are a little different than we planned. The birthmother has decided she prefers to meet us the day she is leaving the hospital, which should be Monday (the 8th). This will be the first time we'll see our baby girl. It seems that "openness" is actually tougher for her right now, so we may only have this one chance to meet and get to know her a little.
As long as the birthmom goes home on Monday, we should still be able to take our sweetheart home on Tuesday. It seems like each minute lasts an hour, so we are trying to stay busy and pass the time away. We're also looking forward to going shopping for a baby girl outfit tomorrow!